1. The Newbie (sometimes a supply or a 'sub')
A.K.A. the "Eager Beaver"
Common phrase: "Welcome to class, everybody! Now, I'm new here, but I promise, I absolutely PROMISE, that this will be an unforgettable classroom experience...I love school! Don't you just LOVE school?"
Traits: Usually arrives on campus first and leaves last.
Commonly found: In the copy room, xeroxing like it's going out of style.
Impact in your life:You have almost no respect for this teacher. You have also decided you are never going to become a teacher, ever, in your whole entire life.
2. The Bully
A.K.A. "Der Fuhrer"
Common phrase: "I'm better, bigger, smarter, stronger, and faster than you....ya little PUNK-ass!" ; "Hey, you! Drop and gimme TWENTY."
Traits: Invests heavily in whistles (to grab the pupils' attention.)
Commonly found: In the hallway, yelling at anyone walking by.
Impact in your life: You have zero self-esteem, and you practically pee in your pants everytime a whistle blows.
3. The Veteran
A.K.A. "The Commissioner!"
Common phrase: "The kids never acted like this thirty five years ago. Oh woe! The world is going to hell in a handbasket!"
Traits: Has had the same hairdo for the past thirty five years. Oh yeah; and sensible shoes too.
Commonly found: In the principal's office.....demanding that things operate like they were 'back in the day.'
Impact in your life: You have learned to always tuck your shirt in before entering this classroom. You have also learned to put a belt around your pants, just to get out of the "BACK IN MY DAY..." lecture.
4. The Pal
A.K.A. "The Easy A"
Common phrase: "Okay kiddies....today we'll start off with a movie....followed by a CANDY BREAK...and guess what? NO HOMEWORK TODAY! Yay!!!!!!!!"
Traits Maintains "Gold Membership" status at Blockbuster Video
Commonly found: Moonlighting at Chuck E. Cheese; giving a random kid a high-five
Impact on your life: While you didn't learn a damn thing all year, you did have loads of fun--and you passed, just like everybody else in your class, with an A++! Yay!!!!!!
5. The Perfectionist/ The Strict One
A.K.A. "Type A"
Common phrases: "Please leave a 1 7/8" margin around the perimeter of your paper...college-ruled only, please." or "Do not by any means crumple up any paper in class....it stresses me out....simply FOLD your paper and PLACE it at the corner of
your desk. You may dispose of it on your way out of the room...." ; "NO gum-chewing in class. NO Mp3s. NO smiling. NO talking. NO laughing. Not even a peep, got that?"
Traits: Maintains a minimalist, barren room with nothing more than boring computer-generated posters
Commonly found: Refolding the towel display at your local Wal-Mart; reminding students on the P.A. system that they have a detention in ___ [insert the teacher's room number here]
Impact in your life: You have learned how to properly date, colour-code, and organize the notes in your binder. Your room has also become freakishly clean, in fears that this teacher might randomly pop into your house one day.
6. The Laid-Back, Have-A-Break One
A.K.A. the "KitKat"
Common phrases: "I'm changing the due date of this assignment to...[a date four weeks later]" ; "It's okay if you didn't do your homework. I don't believe in those--this is YOUR future, not mine....dude."
Traits:Is often understanding, never yells or raises voice, rarely gets mad at the class, no matter how bad everybody is. Will also let you choose your own seat for the whole year 'round.
Commonly found: In the staff room, having a cup of hot chocolate.
Impact in your life: You never do your homework anymore. Still, you have loads of respect for that teacher--patience isn't easy! Usually a pretty cool person.
7. The "Please...Give Me A Chance" Teacher
A.K.A. "Pity-Full"; "The Shy One"
Common phrases: "Class...please stop talking..." [raises voice JUST a little higher] "CLASS...please...please stop...talk...talking..." [eventually gives up]
Traits: Fiddling with thumbs
Commonly found: Anywhere the students aren't; maybe even eating in the student's lunchroom, because there's no room for them in the staff lounge
Impact in your life: You've felt so sorry for this teacher you give them a little smile before entering the class, just to cheer them up. (It never works, though.)
8. The Hottie
A.K.A. "Brad Pitt"
Common phrases: Not Availible.
Traits: Strolling down the classrooms, where members of the opposite sex try hard not to gawk at them.
Commonly found: Talking to other teachers of the opposite sex, which sparks MANY, many rumours.
Impact in your life: The guidance counsellors now know your name and scheduale off-by-heart, because you're always trying to switch around classes so you can have the Hottie as your teacher.
9. The Grouch
A.K.A. "40-Year-Old-Virgin"
Common phrases: "I am not amused."
Traits: Gets angry VERY easily. Hates kids. Hates the human race.
Commonly found: In the classroom staring into space with a grouchy expression on their face.
Impact in your life: You jump every time you hear their voice, and hurry out of the way.
5. The Cool Teacher NOTE: These are the hardest to come by. But when they do, you'll just know that you're one heck of a lucky student.
A.K.A. "____" (their name, because nobody hates them enough to give them an actual nickname)
Common phrases: "I know, I hated learning this crap back in school too...but we're gonna all have to live through it sometime, right? So might as well get through it now!"
Traits: Has an easy-going personality, gets along well with everyone, isn't too eager or too serious. Actually makes class interesting.
Commonly found: Afterschool, giving yet another student some advice, or browsing on the internet for a cool way to teach their next class topic.
Impact in your life: You have learned to appreciate their class and their master-ways of teaching. You actually look forward to school the next day. :)